Saturday, February 10, 2007

Big Fat Model is a Big Fat Hypocrite

Here's a quick summary: some girl (let's just call her "Fatgirlfriend") is complaining that her good-for-nothing boyfriend (we'll call him "Douchebag") is playing World of Warcraft so much that he's neglecting his duties as a father and a boyfriend. In all fairness to him, he has a steady job, and the game IS really cool. But, she's right. You can watch Part 1 and Part 2 via youtube if you haven't seen it.
Rather than seeking help from other friends and family about the issue, she decides to go onto a talk show to prove her point. Only problem is, she picked the wrong one [1]. I think I liked the old Tyra better. Anyway, I've done a decently thorough job of picking the show apart. Read on.

Tyra asks Fatgirlfriend about how being neglected makes her feel.
tyra: "But, but, he's doing this with a video game. Something that's just a computer. It's not real."
I would like to quote South Park on this one:
Stan: "I AM socializing artard. I'm logged on to an MMORPG with people from all over the world and getting XP with my party using TeamSpeak"
Tyra: "...I'm not a artard".

Next, they seem to be mixing up their facts a bit. I don't mean to nitpick, but it's mentioned that Douchebag left while Fatgirlfriend was in labor with their child. To play the game for several hours, of course.

After this, they seem to get a bit mixed up.
Dr. Gary: "Why would he miss the most important part of his life?"
Although his girlfriend clearly said: "And then came back to the hospital before I gave birth"
...Personally, I would say the most important moment is when the baby is actually born, rather than the (up to two days) when the woman is in labor. Douchebag was able to sign off for a few minutes to see his baby being born (borne?).
Don't worry, it gets better.

Fatgirlfriend: "I gained a little bit of weight after I had our daughter, and that's when it kind of started.
tyra: "I hate that, because women always say that it's the weight and it's us, but that's not what it's about."

I had so many bullshit detectors going off at this point I almost fell out of my chair. Let's start with the easy one. "a little bit of weight"? A "LITTLE BIT"!? I can only imagine how difficult it must be to be thin during child birth, but you've gotta be kidding me. Well, why don't you judge for yourself:

But I'll let that one go for now. What really pissed me off in all that, was
the nerve of tyra, of all people, to claim that being fat doesn't matter. Nevermind the fact that this is coming from a woman who made a multimillion dollar career out of more or less being skinny and hot. But what she says goes against everything she's stood for. In fact, I think she an entire episode of her show devoted to showing how differently fat people are treated.
Of course, it wouldn't quite be fair to rip on tyra and Fatgirlfriend without giving
Douchebag a rip. "Oooohhh look at me, I'm scared to raise my kid because I have a 'syndrome' (he actually said he had a syndrome of sorts)! Do something doctor!" Shut up. Nobody wants to hear about it. At least admit that you're a moron and you need help and quit pretending it's a disease or syndrome that's not your fault.
I got a solution: how about we all try to MEET EACH OTHER HALFWAY. You know, COMPROMISE. So instead of this crappy ending:

Fatgirlfriend: You need to quit playing computer games
Douchebag: oh, ok fine.
tyra: High five!

We can have this:

Fatgirlfriend: You're a father now. Why don't you step up to your responsiblity and kick your destructive habits, and I'll put in some extra effort too?
Douchebag: I know! You stop being such a fatass, I'll stop being such a deadbeat! Then maybe I can address my real emotional issues rather than blaming it on Warcraft.
tyra: GREAT IDEA! And I'll ask the network to cancel my crappy show until I can construct an argument properly!

A great solution, if I do say so myself. The poor kid will actually have a father,
Douchebag will realize that spending time with family will be enjoyable, Fatgirlfriend will save thousands of dollars of treatment from premature heart disease, and best of all: I won't have to have my RSS feeds clogged up with tyra's blathering drivel. It's a win/win situation, and I think it will make EVERYONE happy!

[1] Words cannot express how badly I would have wanted to see this on the Springer show. Some guy would make a crude comment about Fatgirlfriend's weight, then Douchebag would get in-character and pick a fight, trying to cast spells on the guy. Ah the possibilities.

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